Saturday, May 28, 2005

The past 2 weeks had been trying for me. I am getting into a phase of doubt about practically what I'm doing now is exactly right. There are moments I had whereby there are nobody except me, jodee and perhaps the ceiling fan. Moments I had been meticulous about every cent I spent, decisions between taking a bus or a taxi, a meal at home or a meal out there. These were things I realised I had taken for granted or rather had the luxury to spend back then but not now.

I sense fear in my heart, it's not right. Theoretically, I should not even should entertain such thoughts because I 'know" God is in me. However so, my thoughts at this moment is not measuring up with my heart. Somehow I feel this transition between full-time work to part-time work& taking care of Jodee is much more challenging than I thought. What I picture before is not happening as I thought would be or am I just too demanding on myself or complacent or simply I need time to adjust. I don't know.

As for now, I'm in the middle of reading " journey of desire" by John Eldridge. Hoping that the Lord will speak some sense in me.

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