dejuvu

Thanksgiving

2007-06-05T00:03:00.000+08:00

I can't help it but have to give thanks to God for ALL that He has given me. My hubby, 2 lovely children,great parents and parents in law, siblings and many fantastic friends and mentor whom have in many ways nourished my life. I am not just comparing for the sake of comparison but I find myself blessed by such great relationships with the people I have around me. They had given me support when I feel like giving up, challenge my mind and soul when I need nudging, a listening ear when I just need to unleash my emotions... To you my friend, I just want to say thank you...

Ethan-3week old

2007-06-01T19:03:00.000+08:00

In another week, Ethan will be a month old and he has put on more than 1kg now. He is a full breastfed baby and overall a keen eater and survives in a 2 hourly feed. I must say it's a not easy for me in the beginning to have overcome the sore nipples/blisters etc...but as long as he's well and growing, it's all worth it! It's so much more convenient to BF than bottle feed( you'll know what I mean if you're a mom)

I am looking forward to the 2nd month and Jodee will be starting her Pre-nursery on 25June. I am praying for smooth transition for her that she will get to learn and play while mommy tries to figure out how to balance the new season.

:)

New Day

2007-05-29T20:53:00.000+08:00

I had been so slack in blogging lately. I really find "finding time" harder than before. Earlier, I struggled to reset my blogger account, spent almost 30mins trying to re-establish my identity with blogger on their new settings. (that shows how long have I NOT update my whereabouts. tsk! tsk!)

In fact,I think I am quite backwards who still stick around with blogger whereby john and the rest are already up and moving with my space,multiply and what nots...Ai yah, I just can't be bothered with all the rest cos I really don't have the leisure of time to dabble with all these gizmos...it's already very good that I can update this when ethan just dozed off...yay!

Being a parent to 2 kids is no joke, I wonder how a homeschooled mom I came across handled hers when she has FIVE chidren and 6th on the way next month! She is a SUPERwoman!!! Having to handle 5 children( 2-9yr old) plus she is homeschooling all of them plus no helper and a dear wife to her hubby! Isn't that amazing? but when I get to read her journal, what amazes me more is her dedication, the values and disciplined lifestyle she holds. Being able to do what she is doing aren't easy, she had given up her lucrative career to pursue what she calls LIFE, she had made changes in her own life to accomodate her family life, giving up career future to pursue BUILDING her children's future. Instead of relying on the resources she has, she and the family chose to rely on the provision of God to sustain their daily needs for the past many years.

I may not know this lady well, perhaps only by read her series of journals and articles she posted online. Having read all that had caused me to evaluate my own pursue and defination of Seeking God's will... Should I give up my work/ministry for family or should I balance them both so I can benefit them all...Honestly, there aren't a model answer and I know it but being a child of God I know the Lord will speak and if he does, it is the OBEDIENCE that He honours most of all not what we do or not do.

Yeah, I am learning to hear from my Father again. It may seems " huh...again?" but why not, aren't we all always learning to hear from Him again and again. Just as we grow over the years, our relationship with the Lord should deepened just as well. As I am turning a year older by next month, I really want to see my relationship with Him transcends a level deeper, get more cosy and intimate with Him.

Updates

2007-02-21T22:47:00.000+08:00

I've been so busy lately and I don't have the energy or drive to archive the activities of my life. Unlike before(before baby,and 2nd preg) I have alot more time and now I am chasing every moment and wanting to spend it wisely and in prudence if you know what I mean. Blogging becomes a CCA now.

I am not sure if I will even have time to blog again when the 2nd baby arrives. Or will I have the mood to do so... maybe your encouragements will help. hehe... I'm into my 7th month. and so far ok except the pain on my right leg ligament is bringing me more discomfort each day. I am learning to overcome it. 3 more months to go and I can't wait to see our #2!!!

smile

2007-02-09T00:28:00.001+08:00

family photo

2007-01-10T23:48:00.000+08:00

2006-06-11T16:35:00.000+08:00

the 30's club

If you are in your 30's, welcome me. I just made it to one the most exciting times in my life.

I didn't had any big bang type of celebration, not even a slice of cake. But I kind of feel it may be one of the best birthday I had and I am looking forward to an array of happenings to come. It was a quiet, dreamy, drizzy day that I didn't do much but had some time with John. Jodee, my sis and parents. But the most awesome thing is I know God was there when I made this cross over. He made all the difference, not the party or even presents.

Then, I made a prayer that may seem too ambitious but I thought what is there to lose. Afterall, if I don't live for now, I will never will. These are the kind of thing I know I don't ask god anyhow because I am asking GOD. Well, I did it the dee style...

Say if I am given another 30 years to live, let me live it well and meaningful, let it be a Christ driven life and me on behind. So welcome me to the club as this is going to be so exciting and it just began.

2006-04-21T12:50:00.000+08:00

God is not in the box

I've been constantly hit by a series of thoughts lately, about what I am going to study to what I am going to do etc...but never really wonder what am I made to do.

Last week,I was cornered my own paralysis of analysis...this time I was defeated more than my own thoughts by the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Without realising I had put God in the box of my own limitations and lack of faith, when I asked those questions before.

He challenged me to look beyond my own abilities and strength to pursue His Heart first and foremost, "seek thy first the Kingdom of God..." I repented of my own myopia and asked for forgiveness. I realised His Will of my life is even beyond my studies plans and now I have fully surrendered that to Him. I have not given up Hope in my studies but the matter of fact, I have a larger Hope that He will help me carve something beautiful through my willed spirit.

I am not longer bothered by when, where and what to study. I know He is in control and will release me as His time matures. What I gained most now is Joy and Peace that I know the enemy is surely not pleased but I know God is faithful, even to the end. Indeed He is not in the box.

2006-04-19T14:03:00.000+08:00

Gospel of Christ

There seems to have an uproar of christianity awareness lately, just last wednesday NG just aired the much publicised "gospel of judas" and next week the channel is going to air a week of bible findings perhaps as a follow up to the heat of the Good Friday which just passed and the up coming " Da Vinci Code "

I was just complaining to John why these media is so hungry after all the hype which all started from Dan Brown's argument. At first, I was upset to a point of angry. But as I reflect upon the circumastances, I felt my anger should not cause me to sin against the writer but it proves a genuine awareness of my personal faith in Jesus Christ. I begun to start looking into the Word of God for answers and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to me. As much as I want to catch every episode of those well researched documentaries on TV, I felt the Lord led me otherwise to look back into the Word for answers.

In 2 Tim 3:12-17
12Yes, and everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. 13But evil people and impostors will flourish. They will go on deceiving others, and they themselves will be deceived.
14But you must remain faithful to the things you have been taught. You know they are true, for you know you can trust those who taught you. 15You have been taught the holy Scriptures from childhood, and they have given you the wisdom to receive the salvation that comes by trusting in Christ Jesus. 16All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do what is right. 17It is God's way of preparing us in every way, fully equipped for every good thing God wants us to do.

Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you.

2006-03-15T22:25:00.000+08:00

Friend

Had a good talk with a close friend today who is going through a time of deliberation with where to belong. It was hard for me to give her a clear cut answer but I know there is doubt in the consideration, I hope she can find a solution but more importantly the Lord will change her and cause growth in this case.Bless you sis...

2006-03-11T12:46:00.000+08:00

Hymn to a Good Wife

10A good woman is hard to find,and worth far more than diamonds.

11Her husband trusts her without reserve,and never has reason to regret it.

12Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.

13She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,and enjoys knitting and sewing.

14She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.

15She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her
day.

16She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a
garden.

17First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager
to get started.

18She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

19She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,diligent in homemaking.

20She's quick to assist anyone in need,reaches out to help the poor.

21She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;their winter clothes are all
mended and ready to wear.

22She makes her own clothing,and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

23Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.

24She designs gowns and sells them,brings the sweaters she knits to the dress
shops.

25Her clothes are well-made and elegant,and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.

26When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.

27She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,and keeps them all busy and productive.

28Her children respect and bless her;her husband joins in with words of praise:

29"Many women have done wonderful things,but you've outclassed them all!"

30Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-GOD.

31Give her everything she deserves!Festoon her life with praises!

2006-03-08T11:07:00.000+08:00

Broken Social Scene

I have been listening closely to the lyrics of broken social scene today. Out of curiousity, I took some time to ransack their webby and realised another band 'stars' which I like very much is also under the same label.Without much time, I just stop my search.

But what I realised the music trend these days are highly individualised.highly complex. It has a distinctly identity that you sometimes can't missed unless you are an copycat. I have one at home.

Like music, people these days works the same way I guessed. They think complex even when they are not, they try very hard to be an individual when they see people around are more or less the same. They are trying too hard to be a different kind. Sometimes, I don't even understand why is it so, when these people are so talented yet they don't see themselves as so. I hope they can be kinder to themselves and not drive themselves so hard all the time.

There is a time for everything,time to laught, time to cry, time to love and time to die. Imagine I am living my last now, I guess I will head to give my loved ones a huge and tell them how much I love them and I do.

2006-03-07T12:02:00.000+08:00

Creative Parenting

The last 2 months had been a good trial run for me to gauged my ability to stay home and be a full-time housewife so to speak. I do enjoy many interesting moments with lil Jodee, sometimes she cracks me up with her lil surprising moves and actions otherwise, she can make me real upset with her lil idiosyncrasies that are totally genetically in line with mama & papa.

For someone like me who hardly had much experience in Housekeeping, I find it trying in the beginning, yet as time flows things get more systematic and easier except for days I get fatigue or got up at the wrong side of the bed. As I always relate to my peers, I really honour full-time mothers now that I am one myself. The intensity at home can be greater than any other regular job out there, it's a ministry for those who has lotsa Passion.

I count myself still learning to be more discipline each day, more organised than the day before, achieve more 'DONE' items and waste less time. At times when I am feeling burn out, I thank God I have my mom to hand Jodee to. That's been great venue to let out some steam, but ultimately I am learn to trust God to show me to demonstrate more grace and love for the things that are at hand.

Parenting to me denotes a full body workout. Imagine you are trying very hard to lose some weight and you need to exercise every part of your body in order to return to a lean and trim body. No short cuts! Like wise to Parenting; It requires every single effort and time from both mama & papa to achieve that objective. It requires time, attention, love, care, environment and even discipline to achieve the right state of the child's well being. Like wise, No short cuts! Yet, it's a journey that will take a whole lifetime to achieve, from strength to strength, glory to glory. We also need to include the supreme leadership of the Lord to help in this area of Parenting, as no other parenting books and magazines can ever give you the best advises like the Lord does. I have learn to sit under the feet of Christ to learn of His heartbeat for my child's life as well as for my own. I have learn it's ME that God is parenting while He parents our child.Therefore, go to the Word and prayer for the best parenting tips if you are looking. Creative Parenting starts from looking at Christ.

Well, I am learning not just to be a better Mother now, I am learning to be a better Wife, Better Daughter, Better Worker, Better Servant and Better Person and someone after the heart of the Almighty, looking forward each day to seek Him, Love him and therefore fulfilling the destiny He has set apart for me.

2006-01-26T23:46:00.000+08:00

Hello

Last month has been a breeze, I have been spending most of my time at home with Jodee these days. Apart from preparing her 3 meals and the regular plays, I have filled up the rest of the time with some housework and reading and praying. Though sometimes, I really feel down right bored but I am learning to adjust and make changes.

Motherhood changed me entirely, at least for the next 20 years.It didn't occured to me in the beginning that it's so drastic but it did. But I must also confess that my life is fuller than before, if not because of my motherhood, I will not quit my job, if I didn't quit my full time job, I wouldn't get to see more of Jodee and my family and also my little teaching career. All thanks to God and a super supportive husband who is radical enough to believe in my beliefs.

Ha, I am excited that I am gaining my Life back. New things are happening and I am looking forward to that.

Cheerios and how you then???

2006-01-14T16:31:00.000+08:00

January

This is the diary of a stay home mum, I seems to be idling but I am not. I seems to be doing things out of my periphereal that seems to be waste of time but it's only way to balance my sanity. I love to stay at home and yes it's quite true.

It's been almost 3 weeks now and I am doing ok. With Jodee's improved sleeping pattern, I get regular breaks where I can do my work, check emails and take a short nap. God has been good to me and I have more thanksgivings to make, though I am still quite rely on my MIL's maid to come in on Sunday to do some cleaning, I guess i will be able to handle most of the chores in another few weeks.How is everyone else doing?

2005-12-29T10:24:00.000+08:00

last day at work

I am calling it goodbye this my company today. I've been here since mid 2002 after my DTS stint and it's been a good 3 over years now.

So you probably ask what's next, I guess my life will be very much the same like before just a change of job. Now I'll be an official full-time mummy and part time of anything else. Jodee has been a great joy to the family so far, I guess I will have more time with her while I explore other avenues of work. You can pray along with me.

Now, I am doing my research papers on some studies thingie. As in what I am planning to do, I can't spell out too much for now but your prayers will be appreciated.

May the Lord grant all of you a great year ahead.

2005-12-08T17:14:00.000+08:00

relax lah

It's been a restful week for me, work is slowly tappering off as my projects are coming to an end soon. And it's also time for me to say "good-byes" to fellow workers in the industry.

I told them I am taking a break. And it is certainly so for the next few months as I don't know if I'll touch on any interior or design related works once I am moving into taking care of Jodee. I hope we can do things together as well.

More so I am thinking of doing more freelance work in any design work to keep me going.

2005-11-22T15:17:00.000+08:00

Winter

I have been to countries with cold climate but never really get to taste winter. Blame it to where I am born.The closest I had was 8degree and that was bad enough.

Yet from pictures, movies and friends I always gather information that Winter is boring, more boring and most boring of all the 4 seasons.

2005-11-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

Light

I cannot imagine that Christmas is less than a month away and yet our home still remained undecorated. We had plans of re-do the layout of the house and add something interesting to it. As of now it's a little dull. I reckon we need more colours and less junk.

Now that we have a baby at home, we need to be more considerate to her. Gone were the days when we can put breakables anywhere, especially when we have little space for her. I am planning a schedule to re-locate our current furnitures and do up flooring at the new book room. we are creating one to encourage Jodee to read, read and read... I remember I was very deprived from books when I was a kid as my folks didn't think it was a need. Now that I look back, I hope my love for reading can be passed down well to the little one.

Raising a kid is a very serious deal, at least to me. I had quite a fun childhood, beat up a few bullies and broke my teeth while playing "zero-point". Not sure if kids do that anymore. Today, as I look at Jodee, I can clearly see a slight touch of that strong-will in her gutsy tantrums. I know it can be her strength and weakness, but only training and tell if she will know how to handle her gifts in the appropriate way. Therefore, now that I am a mommy, I am even more aware of the actions that I take as they will ripple effects to the people closest to me. Parenting is now just a deal, it's a lifestyle, a part of me.

Just like how God is parenting me, I am learning to parent my own kid. Just like how the Lord loves me, I am showing love to my child. Just as how God discipline me, I am applying that on my little one. It all a metaphor to show how much I mean to Him. How much is that do you know? I can't describe but it's certainly a BIG DEAL...

Ah, the more I reflect upon my own role as a mother. The more I realise how much I need the Lord to teach and lead me in this entire walk, I do have my struggles and complains, It is not all smooth all the time. Yet, I am assured that the Lord is always waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. It's because of that hope, it has grant me strength and perserverance to go on mile after mile. I am waiting for tomorrow to come and will know the Lord has prepare it for me.

2005-11-08T18:40:00.000+08:00

plan 1.1

I've been reading up on several articles on various types of Therapies lately. I was kinda struck by Art/Drama Therapy and went ahead to do more reading. Didn't realised how powerful an art form can be used to touch and heal those who are broken until I was involved in an enacted prayer session while I was at Cameron Highlands. I can never forget how ministered I was myself.

I am not sure if this is what the Lord may intend but will be praying towards some form of training in this area.Let's see...

2005-11-07T18:41:00.000+08:00

Cameron Highlands

Jodee and I did an escapade the whole of last week at the beautiful Cameron Highlands. I can't discribe how beautiful it is but it really really really beautiful. It was the first time "we" venture out without the presence of daddy johnC, we did missed him and vice-versa yet I did had a good time dwelling in the presence of God.

well, Jodee on the other hand was not that all comfortable as she was not responding well tot he environment and change of climate plus teething pains. I guessed she was more courageous than me as she endured well except with buckets of tears as she had terrible strangers' anxiety almost throughout the whole trip. Much to my surprise, I managed to train her to sleep on her own without me. That was nice!

Most of all, I was well recharged through out the trip as I had met up with God in the deep way. Being touched by Him was the best thing of all...Now I am ready to look ahead of me, in His strength.

2005-10-30T00:12:00.000+08:00

Progressive Parenting???

It had been a long eventful day after a series of meeting, baby party and a family dinner with a few good friends. I had never felt so fulfilled as a mother like today after witnessing friends who are also parents themselves.

We had conversations that stretched from work, finances, family, babies, childcare and to many others. What struck me most is I am one of the few who decides to leave my part-time work to freelance. It may sound progressive but it's actually more God led than anything. It only recently that I notice that stay-home-mums are getting from less to rare, I don't know why and sometimes I do have apprehension of my own that discourage me from doing so. Many of friends always commented that 'there are much to lose'.

Now that I have made my decision, I realise what is there to lose if it's our children's future that we are sacrificing. It's too controversial, it's highly debatable. There are times that I feel so "alone" when I had to make those decisions, it's something not even our husband can understand. Yes, they bring back the bacon but it's more often mummy who will take care of the details. And I am by God's creation one of those who will research and pray through those tough moments. And even then, I still had my set of struggles to balance my self-worth and actions.

Having say that I am glad that more of my mother friends are acknowledging the need to be active parenting not co-parenting or absence parenting. The window to mould the very character of a child is limit ( just the first 6 years ) I don't think I can effort to lose the chance to this opening, it is probably my once and only chance to lay hold of that foundation in the child and to me this window is too much to be take away. Hence, I would greatly encourage any given mother/daddy to capture this window if you have any children below the age of 6. The character of your precious child will lie in the hands of the decision you make today.

2005-10-23T00:00:00.000+08:00

rest

there are too many decisions to make within a short time. there are moments of breathlessness, i know i cant do it alone.
i am in a situation whereby not the closest can help but yet the help is a stone throw. Instead of dwelling in my thoughts, i will choose to rest and be restored.

2005-10-18T22:55:00.000+08:00

milestone

I am going through a not so easy time in my life now. Not that it's all bad but they aren't that all good, I feel as if I am back in one of those days where I felt so uneasy and stressed over work and yet I know God is on the end of the tunnel calling me to hang on to Him.

It's a time I am feeling almost torn between giving up my honour and giving Him my honour. I have to make painful decisions that will probably change my life for good. Yet the act, of giving up what seems to be very precious now is far from easy.

My inner man is struggling, yet I know He allow such moments to happen because no one but me have to face up the decision and only then I will learn and move on. It is not easy but I am willing to let go and just await for the beginning of the next.

2005-09-11T01:21:00.000+08:00

sept

i've couple of backlogged assignments waiting for me, can't figure where to get time to churn that out but i've to no matter what.

2005-08-03T15:22:00.000+08:00

Tired

I was woken by jodee's kneading at 4a.m last night, she has been doing this for awhile now. crawl over me, use any part of my body as a cushion to her little body and that also mounted to my injuries of her cratches.

I must say I feeling very exhausted now, not able to concentrate on my work and sleepy most of all. I hope to go down and get myself a cuppa of teh tarik and freshen up alittle also...

2005-07-28T13:07:00.000+08:00

Jodee is going to turn 1 year old in 3 months' time...how fast can this be...we wish to have a small party for her and brilliant idea how to hold one?

2005-07-15T11:51:00.000+08:00

I need some fresh air...

Last evening, I managed to catch up with 4 friends I knew in DTS and I am very happy that mrs.ng aka ms. korea is radiantly pregnant and in her 2nd trimester. It had always been a joy to see these group of friends seeing and knowing how God had shifted their lives after our DTS. YK had moved on to serve at the base, the couple had been sent out and now await for the new addition and janet just had her new lasik done on her eyes! Marvelous! and me...having to take care of jodee and spending plenty of time with her...

I don't know having the too much of a good thing will turn out bad? I mean I enjoy the time at home and with jodee but I do feel the strain when things become unmanageable at work and that can affect me both physically, mentally and emotionally. I am still walking through this rough pat with God, asking Him for directions cos' there seems to be some major decisions to be made and yet I'm not quite ready to face up yet.

2005-07-06T23:07:00.000+08:00

Busy Busy Busy

My mum has been helping me to take care of jodee and also me while john is overseas. I realised with my work still hovering, it's hard for me to both take care of jodee and less myself. I have to evaluate my mission statement. Somehow, somewhere might had gone wrong...need to make some changes to life before it de-rails...

2005-06-29T15:32:00.000+08:00

Stolen

My mobile was stolen under my breathe this afternoon at my office. A middle age, well-dressed man(prepared and experienced) simply walked into my office pretended to be someone looking for design service. I saw him but knowing there were 2 other colleagues in the office, I left them with him and walked away to the loo...

Without suspending anything until an hour later when I remembered that there was a call I need to return, I realised my mobile was missing. I searched through my bag and tables I used and lastly called myself...I couldn't hear the ring tone ringing but it was hung mid-way. Then, I turned around and asked if "that man" had came close to my table and they said they made a phone call use my DID!

That's it!!!

I knew my mobile was gone for good....

The first few moments was bad, I felt betrayed. Very guilty cos' the phone belongs to someone was lent to me. Very victimised and angry with the guy and colleagues who let them in. And lost of all the data in the phone. Upset, Upset, Upset!!!

I called up a few persons and they gave text book answers like; "go, report to police" I wasn't keen cos I really don;t think the phone will ever return and such procedures will take up too much of my resting time in the night... I did nothing but I did everything as I was praying and meditate as I was working, asking the Lord what should I do. I know I have to forgive the thief, now that the phone was gone, I should just move-on...it's just a phone not like I had lost an arm or eye!!! I knew it was painful but I have to let go and I am willing.

2005-06-24T19:02:00.000+08:00

Inspired

Life is getting more interesting these days, apart from the usual work,baby and personal life. I'm gradually normalising my life to teaching , bible-studies and meeting up with people I kinda neglected for awhile.

I hope to catch up with them soon, cook some nice food and chill out a little... Looking forward to do some paintings or photos in the next 1-2 months when life is more stable. I wonder how are the rest of my friends are???

2005-06-19T16:31:00.000+08:00

We are having a steamboat spree at my home tomorrow, it's my dad's birthday. Hope he'll have a great year ahead! Cheers!

2005-05-31T10:08:00.000+08:00

22 But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. 23 For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; 24 for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. 25 But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does. - James 1:22-25
..........................................................................................................................................................................
For the past few days, I had been quite torn within my flesh and soul and spirit. It's surely not one of those charismatic feeling days where I was spirit high but yet I know God is around watching. I know God is doing a deeper work in me and through the circumstances around and ahead. It's during such moments of waiting and listening God becomes more real. If that is what He intended, He had suceed.

Looking back into His Word, He had brought in both comfort and sorrows. Comfort to encourage me to look unto Him and pursue His Heart. Sorrow to see how weak my flesh can be and I have to learn to let go of things that are unworthy before His majestic throne.

Only the Lord will be able to show me the the next stage of my journey with him but before than I will walk through what I am presented now in His strength.

2005-05-28T22:16:00.000+08:00

The past 2 weeks had been trying for me. I am getting into a phase of doubt about practically what I'm doing now is exactly right. There are moments I had whereby there are nobody except me, jodee and perhaps the ceiling fan. Moments I had been meticulous about every cent I spent, decisions between taking a bus or a taxi, a meal at home or a meal out there. These were things I realised I had taken for granted or rather had the luxury to spend back then but not now.

I sense fear in my heart, it's not right. Theoretically, I should not even should entertain such thoughts because I 'know" God is in me. However so, my thoughts at this moment is not measuring up with my heart. Somehow I feel this transition between full-time work to part-time work& taking care of Jodee is much more challenging than I thought. What I picture before is not happening as I thought would be or am I just too demanding on myself or complacent or simply I need time to adjust. I don't know.

As for now, I'm in the middle of reading " journey of desire" by John Eldridge. Hoping that the Lord will speak some sense in me.

2005-05-20T22:45:00.000+08:00

I want to re-organise my life again, it's way too messy...

2005-05-05T10:37:00.000+08:00

Second Anniversary

John threw me surprised just 2 days back with some beautiful liles and a card on our messy dining table. I didn't knew what it was meant for, very quickly a few things popped in my mind; he didn't upset me, it wasn't my birthday unless liles are cheap that day...

until i open up the card, little had I remember it was our second ROM anniversay. I had forgot! How funny... usually it will be me who will first protest when he forget important dates but now I gain the reign. I have only one excuse, I'm too busy with everthing else and tired that I don't remember small dates like such.

2005-05-03T14:26:00.000+08:00

New Phase

Recently, I had missed one wedding and attended another. Both are personal friends who knew for years but some what lost touch for awhile. Somehow attending the wedding of the latter was a deep sigh of relief. They had been on a marathon relationship for close or more than 10years. I know of only 2 other couples who had long dating historyies ended in marriage and the rest you'll know what I mean.

Talking about marriage, in the recent weeks I had met up with s few couples who shared with me their reasons for getting married. some are good reasons some rather flaky, but somehow I feel "reasons" are not good enough to support a couple for getting married cos' reasons can change like circumstances do. So when different seasons befalls then what will really hold a marriage together?

Being married for close about 1 1/2 years now, I am slowly savouring the beauty and true meaning of marriage. It's no longer my ways but our ways, it's no longer my needs but it's his/her needs. It's a process of giving but yet as we give, the level of receiving is even greater! It's an amplified version of how Christ was given to over to the cross, knowing that as a result of this act the result of salvation took place. Therefore, just like in a marriage, it can be challenging for us to give up something( be it an opinion or an idea ) and unless we surrender, we'll not be able to reap the benefits at it's fullest.

Just like the bible mentions: " Obedience is better than sacrifice " if there is no obedience, no matters can ever be a sacrifice.

2005-04-22T00:29:00.000+08:00

No Go To Aussieland

For a moment, I thought we gonna go Sydney for HS conference but now it's no more,john will be there with the gang and I'll be here with jodee. Guess it's a wise choice for not going. At least not this one.

I'm beginning to have some wild dreams of mountaineering again, I know some may laugh at me or reprimand me as being not motherly but it's my desire to feel the rocks and rough it out with the boys again. I'd always been an outdoor gal before and now will be be challenging to be so unless I have some form of emotional support also. I love john and jodee still...

Just hope these 2 babies will give me their blessings.

2005-04-21T12:00:00.000+08:00

retreat

we had a great retreat over the weekend as a family, doing things like swimming and just spending time waiting upon the Lord.

Heard a couple of things from Him about work and family and it all seems that the future is all exciting, exciting, exciting!

I'll be working less from next month onwards, just stick to 2 days work week and the rest of the time is spent with jodee and more of jodee! yay! How about you???

2005-03-25T14:52:00.000+08:00

Long week end

The Lord had spoken to me so powerfully this morning. The service we had at COOS is quite different from what is done usually but it was so straight into my heart. It wasn't the typical jesus on the cross type but the "jesus" that was portrayed is "in our face" instead. I was once again challenged and brought back in memories what is the meaning of the whole point of Jesus nailed to the tree. The answer is simple because I caused it, and many others too...

Now, I am looking back and reflecting as a result of our sins, He died. So what should I do now. Repent from my wicked ways, that's what I received and return to the Maker.

I hope you guys has receive much from God today. Shalom!

2005-03-08T10:50:00.000+08:00

Setting New Grounds

For the past few weeks, I've been heavily engaged in "serious" conversations with johnC, much more than the many years added together. I must say some of the topics we discussed had nudges to think more about my own call of my life. He has again challenged my boundaries and comfort level and it seems like we are going to take some dramatic moves in our lives in the next few months.

I can't say I am fully geared for it, nobody is really-really prepared for changes they not sure of but I need to bucker my faith up and look back to the Lord for His strength and directions. Nothing is ever easy and the Lord has made it very clear in His word that our life here is just a journey with ups and downs. But we are not to see things with our natural eyes, but with a kingdom mindset and supernatural foresight. I am therefore praying for His wisdom to bestow on me...

2005-03-04T10:46:00.000+08:00

It's been weeks since I last update this blog. I must say times passes really fast and I am getting tired too...Not sure if I've been doing too much these days or it's all due to my lack of exercises. I've been telling myself to swim since 4 months back and now I've not even dipped in the water once. Arggh.

I am wondering how and when I can get back to mt pre-pregnancy weight?!??! still 5 more KG to go... I though breastfeeding will quicken this procedure but not that I can see yet... the bathscale still hovers around 50something!

Perhaps I should not lament so much and start getting my life back in shape! no more excuses or whatsoever, I have to get back in shape and I am giving myself another 3 months. Let's see...

2005-02-12T22:32:00.000+08:00

CNY

It's my first CNY celebrated with jodee and she's been a star! Everywhere we go, people just loves her and we must give thanks to God for such a beautiful child.Unfortunately, my new year break has been cut short and I am heading back to office by this monday, my mom will then take care of jodee in my absence.

I must say I do miss her more these days as our relationship gets more interactive through nursing, playtime and prayer-time. It is almost like a lesson from God showing us how much He loves us and of course His AGAPE love for mankind is more immense than what I have for jodee. I am awed.

2005-02-07T13:36:00.000+08:00

2 days before CNY

John and i bumped into Pearl the happy mom at MUJI yesterday, like us she was doing some last min shopping for herself. I am seeing myself getting into that mould of "mommy-hood" always thinking for our child more than ourselves like what Pearl had said too...

Well, I hated most is at times that I have to work more than I spend time with jodee especially the fact that she's growing to "know" her environment and faces, all the more I hated to waste those chances of bonding. John had also highlighted a few areas that I need to bring attention to and vice-versa.... I must say this entire adjustment isn't easy but I will very much try to get myself in and make peace with the crazy schedule and demands. May the Lord con't to grant us wisedom and strength.

2005-02-04T16:07:00.000+08:00

nearly CNY

I guess hardly anyone visits this blog anymore. That is the punishment for not blogging often and I surely have my reasons for so.

It's been exactly a month since I gone back to work, relatively fast and I am quite pleased. Although the effect of which I find it had to bear, reason being it's also an uphill task trying to be a good mommy, housework and work in the office per se....

Guess I am only doing well in both ( jodee and work ) and naturally neglecting my housework due and now I am looking forward to the weekend to complete the rest of the home matters before the great CNY arrives.

I must say life is different now, time passes fast, real fast and I have to learn to multi-multi task (double) that is to say i have to be super effective not only at home but at work too so I can steal from both to do things of my own, things that are important and relevant to this stage of my life.

Coming back to CNY, I still have heaps of clothes waiting for me to launder and some minor packing and cleaning up. Gotta thank my sweet MIL and her indo domestic helper for all the MAJOR cleaning she did 1 week back. This had indeed lighten my work by mountains. Well... Hope to write more later.

2005-01-17T14:45:00.000+08:00

2005-01-10T10:49:00.000+08:00

1st week of Work

It's been 1 week since I stepped into office again. The vibe is more or less the same, same old faces and still that much of work waiting for me...I am assigned to work on 3 bungalows. Rich man's playground.

I have always been fasinated how rich people lives, what they do, what they eat, how they manage so much money and still complains not enough or rough it out with those in who are more in need for old text books. Are they so rich that they cannot afford to but new textbooks for their kids?!?! what a joke!

Well, I am not mocking them but their actions and behaviour are hedious enough to be a mockery to themselves. I only stand aside and feel sorry for them...

The feeling of getting back to work is bitter-sweet. I miss jodee heaps but I miss working too...what a dilenma! Yet, I am learning to trust others to care for jodee for the time being and adjusting my life into this mum/work situation...wish that this journey would be smooth...

2005-01-01T19:42:00.000+08:00

Time flies. I am Heading back to work on this coming monday.

Will be leaving my lil jodee at the hands of those who avail their help and God. I really enjoy my 3 months of confinement generally though there had been times of stress, frustrations and tiredness. I still do enjoy those moments of intimacy with my loving husband and lil baby. It has been life-transforming for me too...

New Year with new changes and challenges too...I am looking forward to what God has install in my life and family. Things are pretty unsettle yet but I will continue to trust in Him. God has been good!

2004-12-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

I Love Mummy!

2004-12-21T23:38:00.000+08:00

WORK

In no more than 2 weeks, I will be back at my drawing desk... Yeah, it's been a fruitful 3 months of maternity leave for me and it all seems like just yesterday that Jodee was born, me going through the labour etc... So fast eh!

Before we know she could be starting to walk and calling us "ma..ma" and "da...da" so sweet eh? I am also entering a "new season" from next year onwards, can't say much but gonna be new things to handle and experience. Now, I can't complain to God ' my life is so boriing' it's NOT, He promised!

Well, to many extend...I reckon such changes are good. At least they are the forces that drive me out of the comfort zone and start working hard. I mean spiritually to catch up with my relationship with God and also my marriage. I had kinda neglect my time with these " 2 persons " since jodee arrived. Felt very bad yet helpless sometimes as I was real tired handling so much at a go.

Ok, time to catch my rest since jodee is asleep and I hope you are sleeping well too...Cheers!

2004-11-28T23:15:00.000+08:00

BLESS

I cannot describe fully how am I feeling right now but I know I am well loved by my husband and family. I know I am well blessed with A HUBBY who loves me no matter how forget i get these days, PARENTS & PARENTS IN-LAW, UNCLE & SIBLINGS who give me relentless support in taking care of baby and food.. CELL, CHURCH & CLOSE FRIENDS who gave me their encouragements and prayers...And lastly, a wonderful healthy baby!

Arrr...I must thank God for all these! Having a child has changed my life entirely indeed. I can't say I am a good mother but I am trying to cope and adjust, learn and working towards being a God fearing wife, mother , daughter and child of God. it's been a life-changing month the moment I conceived Jodee early this year and very soon it'll be coming to end 2004. It's been a good good year for me, eventful and life-nurturing. It's my desire to see myself closer to God in 2005.

2004-11-28T01:43:00.000+08:00

i love dnb

more photos here

one more short clip... haha... i love DNB!!!
right click and save as...

2004-11-26T18:24:00.000+08:00

mummyhood

It is kinda strange that things are changing so fast, slightly more than a month ago. I was still ballooned but now that Jodee is out I just feel my life has changed and will be changed forever. My day and activities simply runs around her. when she wails for food, I have to be there; she wails again for comfort I have to carry and rock her gently; she wails again...I have to be there, I have to be there even if I am in the middle of my shower...

Sometimes I wonder if she can lives without me or the other way round. I am still wonder if what I do now is "adequent" to pass off as a good mummy, or can I do better? Motherhood is such tall calling... I never know if wha I do is good enough but I will try to figure it out still.

2004-11-19T14:21:00.000+08:00

hehehe

more photos here

jodee angel's blog

la la la.... lo lo lo....

2004-11-17T11:37:00.000+08:00

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

We celebrated our first WEDDING anniversary on monday. It was a short but enjoyable affair. We got our brother and sis-in-law to babysit Jodee Angel for 3 hours in the evening and we went away for a nice dinner.

Looking back the past year, it had been a real fruitful and blessed year. As you can see we are already parents ( she is one real joyful babe ) and we are still continuing to discover more wonders to this marriage! Our family has also been a blessing to us and this family, we reciever tremendous support and love from them right from the beginning and they are stilling doing so for now for us and the baby.
This has been a GREAT YEAR and the Lord truly deserves all the thanks and praise!

Well, it's our prayers that we will continue to deepen our walk with Him as a family in the many good years to come...

All Thanks to Jesus!

2004-11-13T15:58:00.000+08:00

Home Sweet Home

In another week's time, Me, John and Baby Jodee Angel will be heading back home! I really can't wait for that moment to come. really glad that this confinement thingie is coming to an end soon and i will not need to take all those "gingery" C-food and following some unknown rules any longer. I reckon I have to go through this "ritual" once so that I know what are the YES and NO I will avoid when the next chiongster arrives...

I am looking forward to go to church next Sunday! Yay!!!

2004-11-10T16:16:00.000+08:00

hehehe

more photos here

jodee angel's blog

la la la....

2004-11-02T09:04:00.000+08:00

yo yo yo.....

2004-10-24T13:30:00.000+08:00

PARENTHOOD DAY 5

I have been experiencing broken sleep since friday. The lil girl doesn't seems to sleep at night and she frequently cries aloud and screams for feeds... MAMA and PAPA are getting exhausted.

This is the beginning of parenthood i reckon. But apart from this, we are very pleased with her and she is well loved by john and my family.

Hope we can sneak her out for an outing soon...heehee

2004-10-22T16:09:00.000+08:00

Mummy is Back!

Hey! I can't describe the joy of holding JODEE on my arms for the first time...I knew I was pretty tired but it was an undescridable joy!

I must say it's a long process and i would like to elaborate further on the birth process once I have more time as for now I am pretty swarmed by breastfeeding and learning simple parenting like picking up " what she wants if she cries like this and that..." it's tiring at times but I am reaslly enjoying it a little more each day and I hope I can gather more info to share with you all on this blog real soon...

Parenthood ROCKS!
Thank you Jesus!!

2004-10-20T17:58:00.000+08:00

JODEE

go go go

2004-10-18T21:45:00.000+08:00

THE BIGGER PICTURE

I am more relaxed the past few days after much struggle with my own pride and desires over the process of childbirth. Finally I came to some senses that I have to look at things at a big picture instead of trying to to spoilt my own appetite of Pride and Idolatry. I never thought I had position the whole childbirth thingie so high up that it had landed on the pedestal of gods...

Now, I know that it had. I am more profound to tear it down and reinstate God in the picture, it's a constant challenge especially when I am constantly facing with many sms or calls from well-wishers to find out how I am... I thought that was a chore to reply them for awhile but now I know it's my own emotions that are wrecking me up not others.

Well, I am now thankful to the Lord that I am woken not later but now...

2004-10-12T15:50:00.000+08:00

bored VS excitment

- am i bored?
- am i excited?
- do i have too much time?
- do i have too little time?
- arrghhh....

2004-10-09T13:00:00.001+08:00

Week 39

I went to the OBST yesterday for a check up, this is a weekly event since 2 weeks back. Little Jodee has been a good girl and is growing well except she's not exactly well engaged in the pelvis. According to Doc.'s advise, if she's not IN by the 14thOct, she may resort to induce me to birth.

Hearing that had set me up badly, I had always think this pregnancy had been a great one until I heard what she said, for a moment I was quite disappointed with myself and blah, blah, blah...

But after some time alone, the HS has reminded me to remain strong and the only cry is to turn to Jesus...I need to remain hopeful in HIM that since He has brought me this far...(9months) all the more I need to hang on to His Promise and by His Strength I will deliver Jodee out naturally...

Amen!

2004-10-04T16:06:00.000+08:00

YAY!!!

I am officially on leave and it has been great! I had been going out to do different things, running errands and meeting people up. Somehow I don't really sound like aomeone ready for labour and delivery right? However, I am getting myself prepared to relax while I am doing other things as such than to think about how to breathe and push...

After much said, I can say I am rather excited especially whenever the little one is squirming inside of me...it's so unbelieveable!

2004-09-21T14:27:00.000+08:00

Week 37

Tomorrow will be the mark of week 37. I am getting excited by day and try very hard not to be affected by the increased aches I am going through. Honestly, these pains and aches are still relatively bearable though sometimes I do wish there is none.

I do consider myself and this pregnancy a blessing. I have seen quite a no. of pregnant friends around me and heard of their not so pleasant stories. Yet, I am firmly assured that I am indeed blessed with a higher threshold against pains and discomfort. I hope more young married girlfriends of mine will be encouraged to have their kiddies soon...

Bless you all!

2004-09-13T13:21:00.000+08:00

On Maternity Leave

14 more working days and I will be on leave... Resting time while waiting for the baby to arrive. These days have been relatively much things to accomplish, like projects that are meant to be hand over to my colleagues and other last minute shopping for baby and me. I hope to catch more rest in the evening though...

Our girlfriend Pearl just gave birth to her princess No.2 this afternoon. Really excited for her and her dear hubby...Hope I can visit her soon... How're all my friends? I have not been meeting much people lately apart from those on Sunday and cell group, kinda feel that something is missing out in my life for a while. Guess there will be more changes to come...

2004-08-23T23:54:00.000+08:00

wonderful!

My gynea told me that baby chiongster might be out by 38th week or so...On one hand, I am flabbergasted on the other I was very anxious that I had 2 weeks less to settle what I need to settle. It's like deadline cut short.

Just this evening, john & me were combing through carefour trying to buy some baby neccessaties and when we were all ready, we were dazed by the number of brands and products laid on the shelves... we were lost in the supermarket! Eventually, we ended up buying nothing but packets of durians for my personal pleasure...

As the D-day is drawing closer, I am feeling more unprepared... Confidence seems to be slipping by... I hope these are just temporal emotions and soon I can brace myself up to receive the great gift from God. I know He will be by my side.

2004-08-10T00:14:00.000+08:00

today is national day....lalala!

i feel accomplished as i had ironed all my clothes, changed bedsheets with john and had a good massage by my brother...tomorrow i am going to work and also antenatal class...yay!

2004-07-28T15:51:00.000+08:00

I wish...

- day will be shorter and night is longer so i can sleep more...
- rest is always there and i don't need to look for it...
- emotions is not as easily available as now...
- i can do better somehow i do not feel i am...
- more people to talk to and they are not only mothers...
- i am not getting into a motion of vicious cycle...

2004-07-24T22:40:00.000+08:00

baybeats

2004-07-19T13:18:00.000+08:00

baybeats

I spent the last 2 days at baybeats catching some bands. Knowing I am not really into watching them but more so enjoying seeing people whom I had not catch up for some time. Still, within the short time frame I am not able to catch up with all but was good enough...

I think the walking I did for the past 2 days had did me help in my demand for sleep, I am able to sleep better with a tired body. Well, not to mention that I am still feeling relatively tired now and I am at work...Arrgh, I hope 6pm kicks in faster...that will be wonderful...

2004-07-16T16:37:00.000+08:00

retreat

a 3D2N getaway sometime next week!
AHhhh... can't wait for the sun, sea and time with my bebe!

2004-07-16T16:25:00.000+08:00

open house

Lately, our little home has been a " lil inn" for some overseas friends from japan and NZ ( coming soon... )

I feel bad because I don't have the time and energy to host them the way I like. Realised our home is not big enough for 5 people so they are all scattered around the Guest & Living room floor...

Then, I have hardly any time to spend with them cos' it's either they came back past midnight ( I already slept ) or I have to leave the house early in the morning for work ( they're half way through their sleep...)

So much for a good host...

2004-07-12T22:15:00.000+08:00

forget, forget...
arrggghhh.......

2004-07-06T09:23:00.000+08:00

weary

I don't know why but I am starting to feel tired...Could be the pregnancy. I feel sleepy and restless at most times, I even felt bad especially when it comes to working
hours. I hope there is a solution to this soon, it's so unlike the normal when I usually work all the time and rest little...

2004-07-01T18:08:00.000+08:00

hello july

I have not been blogging much lately. Not so much time and sometimes energy, I hope I am not getting lazy or what. I am so glad to see Agnes during SE last Saturday and had that small talk. Hope she will get us over to her new place soon...yay!

Coming July, I will see very little of John as he will be very busy with both Baybeats and Sonic Fest. I will also be entering into my 3rd Trimester by then...I hope my energy level will not sabo me. I want to update some pictures of me(with my tummy) soon but I don;t know how to do unless John can load it up to the net. I am such a bummer in IT! Yiks!

So how're my friends? Haven't heard much from you people???

2004-06-11T20:59:00.000+08:00

28

i turned 28 yesterday.

one of the calmest birthday i ever had. 2 years ago this day, johnC proposed to me and i said yes. Last year, we were busy preparing for our wedding and now we are expecting a baby before our first wedding anniversary!

so much things can happen within 2 years and they are all good stuffs...

I cannot help but thank the GIVER for all these and He is the better, best than all added together!

Thank you Father!

2004-05-06T12:04:00.000+08:00

lost

i wish somewhere around the corner there is a "lost and found" counter. i want to redeem something that i apparently lost.
but i couldn't until i realise what i have actually gone missing for awhile. i have been so beseech in what i am doing that i lost
track in the important element that once held me together. i want to redeem it. i want to...

2004-04-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

hello from HK

this is my 6th day in the famous HongKong. The last time I was here was 1994. Almost 10 years ago. I was telling myself there must had been alot of changes and truely it is. More people are speaking Mandarin what is known is PUTONGHUA over here and my few buddy cousins I have here. They had been great so far, keeping us company and lotsa shopping and eating!

I was at Shenzhen yesterday and Macau the day before. The SZ vibe is quite modern yet subtly under the blanket I sensed insecurity. Apart from the affluence it is having now ( compared from before) i could see the social poverty in some of the hearts of these people. Buying pirated LV and GUCCI is still very prominent in the mall we went too. Although, the locals who sold them here said business is bad and the condition is more tight than before, still people will still sell if the demand for it is high. As for Macau, it's rather laid back and ok you will like it if you enjoy the CASINO...Met some relatives as well and we had a sumptuous dinner too!

Somehow, I know I am blessed to be able to come on this trip despite my "preggy" condition. I am doing real fine, the food is good and weather cooling... i call it a pre-motherhood treat. I do walked quite a fair bit though didn't get to shop much due to my existing condition but I think the coolest thing is be able to spend some great moments with my relatives and just being in the moment. this is my precious for now.

Dunn worry about me about the Sars condition cos I skipped my Guangzhou trip, I reckon I can be there another time cosI dunn wanna worry johnC and my in-laws since the Sars case is back in action...

Will return with some pics soon...

2004-04-20T10:54:00.000+08:00

work

i had some tough problems to clear these days before i fly off on Firday morning for HK.

I am relatively half hearted for this trip, part of me wanted a break...the other part of me is still burdened by the work!

2004-04-17T00:21:00.000+08:00

direction

i am praying for direction, have been thinking alot these days...

2004-03-26T14:52:00.000+08:00

2 more days

i am getting bored, so bored... can't wait for john to come back and humour me with his travel stories!
i want food...

2004-03-21T12:30:00.000+08:00

power wedding

my brother got married yesterday. guessed he was never happier than before.

I was helping him as a driver, shuttle parents & friends from place to place. Tiring yet not cos' it was really a joy to see him getting married to someone he truly loves and vice versa. My sis-in-law and him met during his course of study in NYP and they had been dating for 5 yrs, something like the 1sy relationship and thta's it! final!

When i was enjoying myself as an ursher & receptionist during the dinner wedding and seeing him dancing and singing over the stage yesterday and proclaiming his marriage vows(in mandarin) aloud & fluently. I felt ashamed myself that I was not half as bold as him in his "declaration of love" during my own wedding... somehow, as there were flashes of old-time childhood pictures of both me & brother. My heart felt tender.

Overall, all of us had a good time including my uncle whom we are close to... With all these changes, we are encouraged to bring in more love and joy within our small family.

2004-03-17T00:05:00.000+08:00

sms

john and me exchanged sms this afternoon abt 6ish, it's abt 4ish in the morning on his side:

johnC:Got your mail. I heard that you went to church looking 80's. Enjoying yourself huh?

dee:wow!when did u get paparazzi? Ya lor! i must maintain my funky mummy attitude ma! God is good, life is good. I am filled with joy indeed!

johnC:You made it sound like you are happier without me around

dee:Definately not! I am fine on my own but having you completes everything! I love you therefore i release you to do wat God has install for you! I support you!

johnC:I was just teasing you. I love you too. That's why I cant sleep. Just missing you...

dee: **cant tell you guys wat i told him...**( but had persuaded him to go to bed...)

2004-03-15T22:36:00.000+08:00

9 weeks

yes, i am an official preggy. 9 weeks to be exact.
almost 3/4 to the end of my first trimester.

feeling excited but tired and forgetful at many times, suddenly what was told me 5 mins ago took me just 1 min to forget everything. I suddenly feels if pregnancy is a memory eraser but of course it's not true! john is out of town for about 5 days now, he had called me thrice so far, quite sweet of him and i do miss him. On the other hand, i am also enjoying the time i have on my own...it's so good!

all i can say this pregnancy is Great so far and i am enjoying it gradually, the attension from people around me...I am starting to "grow out" of most of my current fashion so i have been shopping fanatically more often these days just to find a few nice things to adorn this swelling body. But it has been good... Really thank God for all...He's great!

2004-02-12T23:13:00.000+08:00

tired

i feeling tired and sleepy

2004-01-30T00:07:00.000+08:00

friends

had some of the most enjoyable friendships but i have let go now. Learning truths aren't tasty but they are truths so i have to let them take place. It is alright cos I am stronger now to face the facts and I am happy that some do stay.

thanks!

2004-01-26T20:45:00.000+08:00

rest

i am not working for the next few days until thursday. it's so wonderful to be able to rest at home and just do nothing but reading. it's a great time to catch up with my body,mind & spirit.

2004-01-20T15:40:00.000+08:00

hello 2004

i have gone into hidding for awhile.

partly occupied with work, partly lazy took over...all sorts of excuses perhaps.I am adjusting to married life, making coffee for myself in the morning, learning the skills of using a microwave overn & finding ways to please my in-laws etc...

as for john & myself, we are doing okay... we experience some turbulence times too like he gets mad with me with things & likewise...i guess that is alright so long we wake up every morning and deep within our hearts we know i still love this person enough to accept who he is and forgive what he had done the night before. that is perhaps my defination of love & commitment. knowing that we are all to work this out...

as chinese new year is coming, we will be doing a fair bit of entertaining at home. we love people basically and i don;t mind more... i mean people coming to our home, warming the seats and freshen the air. lately, john had also been pestering me abit more about "family extension" which i am now praying. used to be ascary thought(to an effect like having roaches in the house!) now, i will just commit to the Lord.

for those who are not in the CNY mood due to some reasons...i hope you will be strong to hold yourself up, dunn fred...the Lord is in control still.

2003-12-20T02:23:00.000+08:00

wendy's wedding

i attended an old sec school friend tonight and i get very strange sentiments about it. Mainly due to the sitting company of those in the same table... what happened was i used to have this very close girlfriends whom I used to hang out during my sec sch days all the way past poly and perhaps another 1-2 yrs thereafter which i was about 22-23 then.

Afterthen, il kinda stopped meeting them due to my involvement in the church activities etc... subsequently, i also lost their nos. as a result of losing my HP blah... blah.. blah...finally, wendy the bride got to call my mum's home one day while i was in spain wanting to invite me to her wedding... i was excited for her but at the same time filled with much apprehension due to the unexpected things to come when i meet the rest of the gang...

True enough or as much as I kinda expected, the dinner conversations i had with them was stale and really that was the moment that hits me we are rather different after all these 4 years of disappearance from each others' lives... i reckon, it will take as much as a while for use to rebuild the relationship (if we are still keen) otherwise it will then remain as it is now...

initially, i really felt a great pinch of losing some old friends like them whom i did had spent some good times with, on the other hand, i wasn't sure if i do have the time and energy to rebuild those broken walls as much things have very much change and progress by now... just strange feelings that i am having right now and hard to describe further...so instead of dwelling in it, i will go and rest now...

2003-12-11T18:27:00.000+08:00

Raining

love rattles on...
and on...
and on...

little splashes fills my heart.
love you more everyday

2003-12-02T11:02:00.000+08:00

closure

thinking of closing this blog & merge with johnC's blog at restingchair.It's quite hard to maintain 2 blogs at one time which i can get confused myself when i blog...like should i blog at john&dee blog or dejuvu blog or...

arrghh...

just like life, anything can change... even our lifestyles and mentality will naturally take it's curves when circumstances changes.

what am i blabbling about? should i close this blog? if you are reading this, please let me know your opinions.
every point counts...

love you friend!

2003-11-29T01:31:00.000+08:00

i am back

just got back hours ago and the feeling of home is nothing i can explain.

i must say our honeymoon is great too... we spent 4 days each in London, Madrid and Barcelona. While visiting friends and helping some to smuggle some barang in we had some great time hanging out and do things together. Now, almost 2 weeks after our wedding I am trying to settle back into reality call marriage.

Dating and Marriage are like 2 different departments in a big enterprise call LIFE. that is the best description i can find so far...

Not every one get into working for each unless they are ready for the challenges within, and I am new into this for now, hoping to catch some tips and directions from some senior in this line if I can find and will learn real hard...

honeymoon had been good, not the typical romantic sort but we spent alot of effort trying not to be distrcted to work and be focused on the relationship building. I think we gained some good points from there. we tried taking more pics and I think i managed to get some... though i was more fasinated by the people and culture.

well, everything has to start somewhere and i hope this will be a good start from now.

2003-11-01T11:27:00.000+08:00

i am feeling emo...
looking at some of the old pictures of myself when i was very young. those times when me & bro fights and my granny was there to pacify us...now she is no longer around.

i really miss her presence.

wish she can be there at my wedding, i do dreamt of her sometimes.
but now, i know she is at a better place

2003-10-31T18:26:00.000+08:00

new snaps of us

more at our wedding blog

snaps taken by ginette!

2003-10-02T01:00:00.000+08:00

PMS ( pre-marital stress )

when you read this, you must not laugh or even giggle... it is serious!

i have seen brides who were, happy, sad, kan chiong, disappointed etc...and i am the mixed of all! my first disaster landed last night, right at the door step and i am trying to handle it with care.

what is it?

my wedding dress had gone bizarre! really, what i imagined it to be is quite different from what it looks although the it's not fully done until this friday... imagine me wearing a maternity dress? it's that buang!

i have less than 6 weeks, let's hope i can get one replacement soon

2003-09-04T22:54:00.000+08:00

MP AND MARRIAGE

i dreamt of being a MP someday.

everyone has dreams, some being rich, some being pretty, some being by-stander and some just do nothing. I want to be useful and do something for you like " can I make you a coffee with milk???" well, dreaming is just dreaming if I don't work on it. I really want to be what I am supposed to be...even if it means nothing to you.

lately, work is picking up it's pace after the sluggish 7th month. Well, on a good note at least I can rest a little...now that things are back on a regular mode and wedding date is nearer, I want to speand more time doing less things. Unless they are absolutely neccessary. So, I have been passing on jobs to colleagues, cutting down on ministries and others...It sounds more like I am heading for retirement than wedding!!!

haha!

I wish to go Tokyo with John (really) * hope he not read this...cos' he seldom patronise my blog anyway, oh and YOU who read this pleeease don't propagate k*

I am looking forward to marriage life more than the wedding really... the whole wedding thingie is like a CHORE!!! I repeat...it is a CHORE!!! I wish now that I have a twin sister who can take over this than myself. well...no comments if you ask me further like " how's it getting on??? the wedding planning..."
cos my reply will remain the same...

" I AM IN TROUBLE...NOTHING MUCH HAD BEEN DONE YET"

2003-09-01T02:48:00.000+08:00

memories farm

have you ever get tired? i think alot of us do in one way or another.... some stressed over money, some stress over family, GF/BF, work, people problem and the list goes on...

who can ever get to be set free? when? some tend to sweep them under the carpet ( it will accumulate and haunt you back some day )
nobody is so clever as yet to create a machine that take away memories (especially bad ones) I know many people are hurt and even changed by them... so how do you overcome them?

2003-09-01T02:01:00.000+08:00

hello....is anyone reading my blog anymore?

i've not been updating this blog for awhile. a long one.

i had lunch with some friends from ipoh, quite refreshing to have come habits like coffee-drinking...
hope to see them here more often now

also, i had a good talk with john earlier...which we had not been doing much of late
manage to catch up with my own thoughts with him which he had helped me to navigate a little more...
i enjoy the time spent like this... just like best friends chit chatting... no frills.

he is my best of friend who reads me like his best loved novel.